I see myself as kind of anal sometimes… *chuckles* It’s how I see the Knight of Pentacles, probably because I associate it with Virgo - Virgos do not get vexed! - and note that it doesn’t need to be a bad thing: it’s nice sometimes to be able to be slightly picky with the details and into the small things that make something whole…

I’ve noticed that I love analyzing all the details of things. It’s something I find fun, so when I picked the details to highlight the former post, I had a ball noticing the details I’d previously missed in the 4 of Swords of the Universal Waite.

I’d never noticed the details of the window before. I called it a “pretty window” and left it at that. But this time I noticed the kneeling figure which gives me a feeling of repentance. Add to that the way the arms of the figure laying on the coffin/altar/table-thingy (obviously I get into some details… not all! ahem), it brings a feeling of repentance and “asking for forgiveness” to this card that I didn’t have before.

Before, this card was a very “need to rest”, mental quiet, planning (it might be my planning nature but I see quite a few cards as having a hint of planning), retreat, recovery (associated with where the figure lies)… Never repentance.

Funny eh? (feel free to smile)

I had a strange dream two or three nights ago. It is strange because most of my dreams seem to be the results of watching too much television (like one dream where I am pursued by a pink gooey blog - I’m sure Freud would have had a field day with that one! - and escape through the sink with two blood brothers I do not have in real life, my mother, “father” and I - bizarre). They, as a matter of fact, seem to play out like a story, and that’s all.

Maybe this one is too, but I thought it was funny, and since it relates to Tarot, thought I would share.

In this dream - or the part I remember - I was in front of a woman who looks a lot like the woman pictured on the Ancestral Path Tarot Fool card, curly hair and all. Hers were darker though, and the room we were in was dark like a personal library - with each shelf covered in books. Beyond the fact that such a library is my fantasy library, I can also add that it seemed very cozy, like where they play out murders in Agatha Christie books and such…

I can’t quite remember what cards she pulled out, but I remember distinctly that the first card was an Ace of Wands, and that she said: “you’re going to meet someone, …” and something to the effect of it’s going to be fun.

I have a vague notion of a Tower, a Judgement and the 8 of Wands showing up, but I don’t know if that’s because they show up inconsistently, but surely, in many of my readings. Maybe even the World… But I don’t know anymore (note to self: write dreams when I wake up and not several days later). The one thing I am certain of is the Ace of Wands - probably because I can’t imagine reading it like that unless it was my inner Tarot Reader that spoke anyway… And yes, I’ve been getting this one somewhat often.

I remember waking up thinking: yeah, right. But I was very very amused by this. And I encourage you when you go to sleep to ask for a reading to your own Inner Tarot Reader… Who knows how he/she/something else(?) might surprise you…

I know. It’s been a long time… I’m a horrible horrible person (self-castigation: on). I seriously have a sort of attention disorder, which when angry at me my mother always blamed on my selfish (spoilt child) nature… And you know, objectively speaking, she is likely to be at the very least partially right… I suck! (self-castigation: off).

Thing is, I’m someone who needs irregular mental breaks, isolation periods - in this house, this in general means that I stay in my room a lot… Then again, even when I lived in my apartment in town, I regularly needed those moments (days sometimes) when I would stay inside all day, speak little or not at all, etc. It’s the moments where I need to plan, to re-evaluate the day(s), to analyze what I see as progress and if need be readjust what I am doing to better reflect who I am.

Indeed, in many ways, I am a spontaneous shopper, a spontaneous eater (right now I’m having fantasies over Italian food… ahhhhhh… Italian fooooood), but I have trouble being spontaneous in little else. Regularly, that bl**dy Emperor nature of mine resurfaces and trying to get, keep and maintain a good and solid control over my life, my approach and how I behave in the external world. Oh my.

But time, and the Tarot, have shown me that I can never have total control, and you know, that’s actually pretty cool - if not reassuring!

More on Tarot, I’ve noticed that I increasingly use it for self-analysis, for self-understanding, and in order to see how I can put out the best of me out there and for myself. I’ve noticed that however much I try to do predictive readings, the one lesson I always learn from all my readings is: I’m less inclined to change than I think, I rather am - with time - discovering more and more what feels more natural and “real” to me.

And so I have been having a lot of fun (at least with hindsight) looking at former readings I misinterpreted and trying to understand why I chose to see it as I did and what that means about me. I’ve wondered (and doubted) that it could be interesting for others to read, because honestly when I write I have a tendency to do so in terms of me myself and moi because I see self-understanding as a tool to better understand - and accept - others and their limitation, and my love of others as a tool to better accept and love myself.

If you dig that, you are likely to enjoy what will come because this is more and more my approach to Tarot and all things that are conducive to my self-growth.

As a note, my daily reading today was Judgement (in the position of Event) , and the 2 of Cups (in the position of feelings). It seems very appropriate for this post as I am trying to change my approach in how I relate to others… I used the Universal Waite (pocket) Tarot and for some reason I literally obsessed over the gorgeous colors of the angel’s wings…! I’m so childish sometimes, eh?

Of course, I’m sure at least a child would note those rising from the grave and could at least form an entertaining Zombie analogy… Ah. To be a kid again.

I have been pulling my daily cards pretty regularly (although since two or three days only, I’ve also been reading “aloud” for myself - as if speaking to someone else - something I read on the Aeclectic forum), and have been decidedly undecided about what deck to focus on.

The irritating thing is when you reach a stalemate and have about 5 decks on hand that you equally appreciate but for very different reasons:

• I love the fact that the images on the Fantastic Menagerie Tarot differ from how I typically see many cards. I also enjoy the somewhat muted colors.
• I really get a kick out of the twist of the Baroque Bohemian Cats Tarot… It sticks fairly closely to the Rider Waite Smith imagery, but sometimes twists it slightly. Plus, honestly, for certain readings with several cards, I enjoy that it has the number and suit in the corners. It’s a silly detail for some, but I really get a kick (and use) out of that.
• I love the size of the Universal Waite Smith Tarot (pocket size) - and fantasize about all my decks being that size.

Those are the three I keep switching between. And as if my ordeal isn’t frustrating enough: I fantasize over the International Icon Tarot, the Fournier Tarot de Marseille, and I know that somewhere in Paris (!) there is a Tarot of Prague waiting to be somehow transmitted to me… (a friend ordered it for me).

Ah. It is an addiction for me.

So I’ve actually been really overworked. I’ve just finished the contract I’d been complaining about for the past months… I’m now really tired, but relieved that it’s over!

And in the meantime, I’ve also received several Tarot goodies:

• Fantastic Menagerie Tarot Book and Deck
• Baroque Bohemian Cats Tarot Book and Deck
• Pocket Universal Waite (Smith) Tarot Deck
• Pocket Thoth Tarot Deck
• 21 Ways to Read a Tarot Card (by M. K. Greer)
• Tarot Tells the Tale (by James Ricklef - sp - I shouldn’t type half asleep)

Needless to say, I’m really enjoying them, which is good since I’ve been feeling somewhat … mhhh… Not at my best lately.

Will update soon!

I haven’t stoped my Tarot studies. I just have been working a lot - and just have gotten too lazy to type here. On the other hand, I’ve kept up at the other blog….

And speaking of the other blog - I wrote an entry on Anger. As I’ve said before, I’m doing the work in the Shadow Work book by Christine Jette. It so happens that Strength shows up in the Anger (4th pos.), which, according to Jette represents:

[...]What qualities in a person do I most dislike or have the most difficulty dealing with?[...] Anger is fear in disguise and you may feel yourself most uncomfortable with position four[...]

To be honest, when I started writing that entry I didn’t make the connection. Then as I wrote I started tying it to that spread.

It’s just that I’ve been feeling more aggressive and less and less patient - and that recently I had to control myself throughout a diner not to snap back at someone that was… slightly aggravating me.

And then it dawned on me that my reaction - and my belief about what I wanted to do, but would/will work on keeping myself from doing - perfectly represented what I personally disliked in others… Uncontrolled rage, ego, purely instinctual behavior without thoughts of the consequences.

Strength in Tarot, and in a way in life, is so many things to me. It isn’t necessarily physical. But it can be. I see strength as something that should be well used, and not repressed. Because after all, it can also come in the form of Lust… (yes, I sometimes show love to my Thoth deck).

Whether in my standard Victorian Romantic Tarot deck, or in other Rider Waite Smith and variations decks, I see the woman as working with the lion. I recently looked at my Original Rider Waite image and noted that the lion had its tail between his legs though. I’m still thinking of what that means to me.

I also see it as a sort of patience. She neither wants the lion to be scared/angry and snap her hand/arm away, nor wants to rush and potentially harm the lion. Because I see both as in a vulnerable position. But if they work well together… They could prove to be a dynamic duo!

In my own case, I’m currently trying to see how miss-expressions of Strength could show themselves in those I get frustrated or angry with. The most obvious is violence and aggressiveness. It also makes me think of arrogance, pushiness, pride - in its negative sense - , whether it may be based on a too positive image of oneself, or on the opposite. (I’ve personally met people who behaved in very arrogant and pushy ways, and who made me feel they had a serious need to do this because their self images must have been very ugly.)

I’m thinking I might post the full spread at some latter point, and post my insights as they come. I don’t know. And of course, in the case of this position, I wonder if I’m suppose to read that I dislike the positive of the card in others because the negative - or a repressed version of the positive - is what is in me.

I can’t lie. For the past weeks, I’ve had the spread on my table in my bedroom, and I’ve just been noting how I see each card manifest and/or how I see it with time.

I’ll also add that I do see my reaction (what I ended up saying) as the Emperor in the Denial (first) position. Still according to Jette, this position represents:

[...] negatives and positives people point out to me that I have trouble accepting [...] problems or conditions would you rather avoid [...]
[...] What talents and abilities are you hesitant to develop? What are you holding back? What compliments make you uncomfortable?[...]

As far as I’m concerned, I still don’t know what makes me exceptional at all (besides talking way too much and being much too candid - ahem), nor what particular qualities people note in me. They say I’m cute, does that count? The Emperor is something I may feel inside (my obsession with control for example) but I don’t see how it is me externally… I just keep seeing control control control. Or lack of - like when I get way too lazy for my own good.

Then again, that would be why it shows up as a Denial!

Hope anyone that reads this is well.

Links:

You can buy the book on Amazon.com

On Aeclectic Tarot: Bonnie Cehovet wrote a review of the Book

(and in case if you wonder: only the Major Arcana is used.)

So inspired by a study workshop I’ve joined, I am now studying my dream “issues”. I posted a reading I did on one dream already. The first part is the first part, the one relating to the last crush/lust/whatever. (why am I pretending: I did pull 2 cards to decipher that one too). Understand that for a whole period (several years), I also kept having dreams of dogs (!!!!!) suffering greatly. Some of those where gory in their violence, kind of like a horror movie. I ADORE DOGS. This said, I always felt helpless in my trying to help them. In one, the dog-mother and dog-pup that were suffering couldn’t be touched (it was painful). Yet, strangely they always came back for affection… (eh… I can recognize myself and my behavior in that… oh my. This said: I do see myself as actively working on that. Grmpf.)

A problem I have with creating spreads “on the fly” is that I - and my memory - have a hard time remembering which is which… So this time I made little notes as to which position represented what. As the number 7 is extremely present in my life right now - a number I associate with introspection, with study and analysis, with learning, with challenges as well - I chose a 7 card spread.

My question was: “What do I need to understand about these symbols in my dreams and what they represent to me?“
Pos. 1. The Guy: The Hierophant.

Pos. 2. His Shoes/sneakers: The Knight Of Pentacles.(That I kept carrying during part 1 of the last dream)

Pos. 3. Distance: Knight of Swords.

(interestingly, I was walking away from the man, although I put the distance as the strange detachment I had to all the violent themes: I knew/know I hate violence, yet it was like being forced to watch something horrible - and the only way to deal with it was detaching myself… like with TV.)

Pos. 4. The dogs: 8 of Wands.

(This was a general what part of me/what do they represent to me)

Pos. 5. The pain: 7 of Cups.

(I hate pain. And I hate the idea of inflicting pain on others, on witnessing others pain… Etc. This is also meant to represent my sense of helplessness in facing that pain.)

Pos. 6. The baby/doll: Knight of Cups.

(My first association when I had the dream was the “New Beginnings” card from the Answer deck: it pictures a young baby walking on all four. I got that card several times, as well as the “Fragility” card which pictures a baby carriage with no one around in an open field)

Pos. 7. What is the main theme that my dreams are trying to teach me: The Wheel of Fortune.

(From the bottom of the deck after shuffling and cutting/as a sort of underlying message. I added a card afterwards, as a “lighter side” but also influence - what I’m dealing with here: The 5 of Cups (!!!))

Tying it up together/Making the story whole:

(I always read a card in terms of its position, but also as under the influence of the nearby/adjoining cards… Took me forever to learn to do that and not systematically go: Quick action! when I saw the 8 of Wands).

I did initially note that there is one Knight missing and that is the energetic, proud and debonaire Knight of Wands (which I associate with the sign of Sagittarius/my rising sign). As I see him as extreme fickledness at worse, always inspired to try new (exciting and adventurous) things at best, this make me think of this - this lighthearted approach to life and to what it teaches, to the unexpected and the unknown - is missing. I have it in me, it’s just that even my lighthearted approach is somehow calculated I sometimes feel. I am lighthearted, but I particularly chose to be so right now because I’m tired of aggravating myself over what I can’t control. Yet I do it by taking control… (how Emperor-ish!).

The Hierophant in terms of The Man (lol @ that!) first gave me a sense of learning (from TM, but also from the relationship, the non-relationship-ness of it, from how I handled my emotions - nearby teen-romantic Knight of Cups…) Seriously, I avoid hating in general, but with this guy, I particularly can’t be angry at him when I think about it because he was never mean, and after the facts, I did get to go through some emotional unpleasantness (read: loss of control) which taught me about some of my weaknesses, some of my desires, some of my automatic behaviors: acting needy even though I don’t want to - and to be honest I feel nowadays that I am much more independent than I give myself credit for, etc. That doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes want/seek affection or recognition from others, rather I want to earn it, not beg for it. It is a behavior I am learning (trying to learn) to curb.

I see the Major Arcana not so much as what you can’t avoid in a fatal doomsday voice, but rather as a karmic lesson, and hey, afterwards it’s up to me how I handle it. These are the things that happen - that I feel, that I face - and that if I have created them, it wasn’t consciously. It is, therefore, also external influences (but without a particular - unless proven otherwise/other cards show otherwise - external individual’s influence… sort of a “factors added together create this“.) So I have to learn to manage this, to learn from this. He is interestingly caught between the dreamy-teen, the Knight of Cups which I associate with Pisces, and the control-freak (too-adult-too-soon) teen, the Knight of Pentacles which I associate with Virgo.

Interestingly, that’s the respective positions of my Nodes in Astrology - as in my South Node (basically, my understanding of the South Node is that it’s what comes easily… but it can be what keeps you from evolving further) is in Pisces (which means I easily fall prey to daydreaming, getting lost in fantasies and … maybe escapism - can materialize in so many different ways! -) and in my 3rd house, or house of communications if my astrological knowledge is correct. Indeed, I do communicate my dreams easily, and I can see how I sometimes get lost in sharing the wildest of fantasies… I do get a sense of elusiveness both from my understanding of the basic/caricatured traits of the Pisces and the Knight of Cups. Sort of shows you what you want… In this deck, the Knights are all “in company”/and specifically with women. This reminds me of how teenagers, while trying to figure out what they truly want and who they truly are spend a lot of time acting according to others’ perception of them. Ideally, we do things because they have meaning for us. Many of us of course have an inner-teen as much as an inner-child… Okay, at least I do!

Yet, my North Node/or True Node (which represents what, when learn, can be that thing that pushes you forward. It is also, I believe, meant to be a Karmic lesson) is in my 9th House/Virgo. That is, in how I think (in a larger sense, like life/etc. philosophy), in my beliefs and such, I’m much more selective/nit-picky about the details, like my things just so. I’ve noticed this tendency in me recently. I need details, and I need to process the details and make a whole story with it. It takes me a while to start up on things, but when I start… oh my! I’m driven and mad. (you should have seen when I decided to work out and all that! I was incredibly disciplined… for 3 months, but nevertheless, I proved to myself that I could be systematic!). I see these two nodes are a need to make them work together: dream the dreams, share them, but do something concrete with it afterwards. And indeed, I try. There is also the feeling - including with these cards and with the Hierophant in between - of not following something blindly, rather basing oneself on the concrete (outcomes, actions).

Back to the reading! The shoes are telling me that I’m obsessed with the details. I see this Knight (of Pentacles) as one that is very into “I need to earn your respect/admiration through my actions”. I do feel I took away his chance to make friends with me, not out of meanness or a desire to do ill… rather as a sense of self-protectiveness. Since I was being highly emotional, and I did not see him as capable of dealing with that highly emotional side of me - nor as me desiring to be in that weak position - I chose to part and cut ties. I remain kind of cold when we meet because I don’t want to find an excuse to get lost in delusions again. I do believe some things may not be meant to be, but that is why it is important for me to keep the illusions with a huge red label with that word in my mind, and the only things I truly want to allow close to me are the things I can work on, build on - like the kind the Knight of Pentacles would appreciate - or even keep a minimum of distance between me and the said thing. At his best this knight is fertile land, at his worst… he is dry crackled earth. I see the Knight of Cups as capable of emotional manipulation, not necessarily out meanness - probably believes in what he says…! - but as a sort of emotional immaturity. I’m that, sometimes!

I do try to embrace the principle of detachment - which is what I constantly see in the expression of this Knight -, that doesn’t mean not appreciate, rather accept that things come and go. Appreciate now, but not count on it later. At the same time, my personality is that when I do get “into things” or trust someone, it’s a flood of emotions and what nots. I’m always afraid to freak out people, because with all that, I do remain fairly independent and all - and yes, I know I said that already… - but it creates an image of neediness I extremely dislike. Then again, maybe I’m needy in some ways, I just have chosen that it was a flaw! If I count on something/expect something back, I see it as an addiction - and most of all an open door to disappointments - and as that escape the Knight of Cups in me wants so badly. But to me, escapism is only interesting if I find its root, its cause, and yank it the hell out of my mind/heart/soul. That is why the ideal me is capable of giving but never expects anything in return. As our relationships show a lot about ourselves - or so I say -, I have noted that in my past, the second I relied on a man, I cut the ties. This is no joke. For some reason, I have no issue with women - I expect them to show compassion for my weaknesses for some reason. Now, men… And I know that it is a darker side of me I need to face… Argh. So many dark sides of me I need to face. I’m so effin’ imperfect!

And thus comes the detachment card itself: the Knight of Swords. This guy, in this deck, makes me smile. The guy that tried to do too much (I associate it with Gemini, and interestingly enough - for me - I read at Bob Marks astrology that he believes it’s the sign that masters multi-tasking best!). This guy isn’t even really on his horse, damn it! And for one that is presumably trying to save the dame, she isn’t very well treated! This guy is the one driven to make a point, with very rigid thoughts and beliefs… He is the King of Swords at his worse! Of course, sometimes he may not even know what he believes in, and sorts of follows the “popular train of thought”…

To me, and particularly in this position, I see this Knight as my mind at its worst: it sort of wants to control everything - emotions shown, actions taken, what I share what I don’t share. And he sort of is very quick, very woosh! another mission, woosh! another ideal to fight for… In terms of distancing, this guy is probably great at it. Cutting and cold (note how I said that about the previous! *sigh*) is certainly something I see this guy capable of. A sort of says just what can hurt the most… I hope that’s not me…! Since this is a general detachment, as in from the pain I see as well, I see it as my desire to fight for a cause (the cause being saving/helping those in pain/suffering), yet doing it in an awkward manner. At the same time - and this is where it gets really interesting and reminded me of something which I didn’t know… - from here on, I see a strong connection with two past memories.

First memory: I was in Paris, 16 or something. A guy actually kicked his dog. I was afraid. Scared as hell. I did nothing (I saved my own ass). I can’t believe how much this memory still… makes me angry at myself! Whenever I mention that I see myself as a coward: that’s the root! That and the other memory of when I was 13 or so, of a young girl/guy that was teased (the hesitation in my description: thus the teasing) verbally (made fun of) and I did nothing. I did not defend her/him. I don’t even know if she spoke English. And honestly, I hate myself for both of those things. I hate my cowardliness as I truly believe that it is my duty and responsibility to fight against injustice whenever I can. And honestly - like not in a scary position - I do believe I should risk whatever to defend what is right. I didn’t, twice. And yes that makes me the lowest of all low lives in my book. Mind you, if you Reader of this blog, experienced a similar situation, I do think what counts is that you noted it, and… Whatever. It’s cool really!

But me…? I have no excuse. I can not allow myself any such weakness in my book. It is the perfect example of how I am not capable of being in a position of power. (Unless it’s over myself). I wont say I suck because I am beyond that frame of mind. But I do have zero excuse. And it does make me quite ashamed of myself. It shows I have a big mouth but am a coward underneath. I have been in position of weaknesses, where I was shoved down stairs, picked on, insulted. I have been the underdog, I have no excuse as to not understanding how it feels and not fighting against it. It is truly unacceptable for me to stand and watch.

But anyways… Interesting how the “fight for ideals” card (Knight of S.) plays against “do right/act responsibly” card (Knight of P.). In terms of the missing Knight (the Knight of W.), when doing self-development work I do see Wands as the ego driven suit. Therefore the King and Queen have the healthiest egos at their best (I see the Queens and Kings as equals in terms of mastery, but different in terms of expression of that mastery). The knight is still learning. And I can say that in terms of ego, I’m just now learning to find a healthy balance.

Then comes the 8 of Wands (action! swift! quick! - a sort of “who will get there first” vibe from this one too) as the dog. Now in terms of spontaneity, dogs are it man. Also, to me, it is easy to judge a dog on his actions. I know how weird that sounds, but human beings always make me wonder how genuine they are - okay, often, maybe not always… - but dogs, they’re genuine! They’re real! Here! Now! They need attention? They ask for it! Now! They want something else? They ask for it now! No guessing games. It’s very straight forward. (My ideal). Now, ironically, I try to be as straight forward as possible, but I am human, and thus I do calculate how much of myself I share in some contexts to not be the pup/dog that waits for attention while owner has completely forgotten. Faithful the dogs are. I am faithful in many ways. But if I don’t see results after a while, or if I feel stuck/restrained. When I look at this picture of racing man and animal … I get a strong sense of freedom, and dogs are “chained” to (their) humans. Emotionally, physically - relying on them for food, shelter, etc. Now there are great humans who love their dogs wholeheartedly. But I do see some dogs that… just are there to be cheap watchdogs. Barely fed. Personally, I know I freak out when I feel restrained - generally and in all contexts. Actually I’ve been focusing this year and the past year on dealing with some constraints, such as responsibility - towards work, towards others that count on me.

The 7 of Cups is the dream card for me, it’s me when I’m so lost in my hypothesis on what I want, where I want to go… that I’m lost in it! Not necessarily doing anything! This creates pain? I know in my life this has made me feel stuck - during the period when I had those dreams, I felt incredibly stuck. I saw myself as a zombie. I lived and all, but I wasn’t thirsting for life (like in the 8 of Wands), nor dreaming something beautiful - and living the dream - like the Knight of Cups can, I was rather lost in a sea of fantasies, hopes… and believed I would never get out. Of course, this is also the “keep(ing) your options open” card for me, and I can see how the inaction is me trying to decide (decide decide decide! on and on!) what to do. Right on top, opposite is the Knight of Pentacles who is the planner extraordinaire for me… He will proceed at some point, he just needs to plan well. Well, opposite him, the 7 of cups makes me think of plans that remain plans eternally. And with the nearby 8 of Wands particularly… I see 8s as creating results/reaping results (for good or ill), and this comes after the 7s who remind me of study, plan, plan… maybe isolating oneself in the process (7 of Swords), or maybe looking for a sense of direction (the Chariot), that impulse to charge forward with.

The Knight of Cups I’ve already covered, but as the “baby” I see it as young dreams… Young hopes…

The most puzzling card for me was the Wheel of Fortune. This said, I do feel I’m at a point in my life where it is up to me what direction I turn myself to. I do see myself as being in a position to change how I act, react and live. I am going through a process where I am (partly) more certain of what I want, where I want to be, and what I want to do with my life. I have gone from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat. That doesn’t mean there wont be unexpected events - I think that is impossible -, nor challenges. But I do feel that if I am certain of who I am and what I want now, then it gives me the tool (like the Magician) to handle what is coming.

With the 5 of Cups, that’s “coming to terms with the past” as far as I see it. That’s the possibility to get closure. (still think I’m a coward!)

Well, I’ll got to sleep on that one!

I see the World as several things, and the best image for it is the one from the Victorian Romantic for me.

This card features a woman fling up in the air, although when I look at her I can’t decide if the blue fabric floating behind her is a set of wings, or … blue fabric. She holds a basket full of flowers (which reminds me of the flat surface people sort out their rice in here in Madagascar). The flowers fly left, right, and up, and bellow her are two figures (women), who seem about to throw flowers themselves. One does, the other is rather just looking up (while holding her own basket).

I look at this card and several meanings pop into my mind, amongst which “flying high” (that’s an obvious), “feeling light”, and strangely “what goes up… must come down”.

I do see the World as success, crowning of achievements, the “result”… rewards as well. It tends to represent (in my own experience) moments when my heart feels light and I’m just… in total bliss. These moments don’t need to last and last, they are sometimes, in fact, quite short, but still as enjoyable and make me feel connected with everything… A sense of completion…

But the “what goes up” idea comes from the visual, obviously, but as well from the fact that I do think moments where everything feels so great sometimes make one take for granted those other moments - which are fine and sometimes even pleasant… just not that pleasant. This card basically reminds me to keep things relative.

So when I pulled this card today, I spent the entire day trying to keep things relative. I did receive some of earth (or technology)’s bounty: my mother bought me an iPod… My very first. I also bought a rice cooker (that’s for practicality! ;)). And I also spent the evening trying to think of what I’ll get my mother the second more payment show up on my account… Which reminds me, I need to go to sleep: I have more work to do and to earn that money tomorrow!

I’m wondering how to illustrate this blog while respecting the Magic Realist copyright rules (and protecting them from ill intended people). Of course, the Victorian Romantic is my current main deck. Whatever I do, I go back to it. I’ve changed to only put thumbnails so far, and no zooming options… but is that enough?

I did an “Enter the Card” exercise with this one. But obviously I also haven’t worked on my card yesterday. I do have some thoughts, actually. So I’m planning to add them later (on Death - transition… and letting go) as well as on the 8 of Pentacles. Now, I do have work that has come in, and since diligence and hard precise work (the Victorian Romantic innevitably makes me think of a “work of love” since the subjects of the work are vases… You do the best work when you do it with love I say… And love is a constant long-term work to me as well… Maybe that ties it to the Lovers?).

((((((edited to add:))))))

What came out of that exercise was that:

What you find beautiful is only as beautiful as the effort you put in it. The investment, the care, the focus make it not only something useful and practical, but something close to a work of art, and certainly of love. To me it came out as what is worth loving is worth working on, and a way to express love is through dedication - at making it work? I couldn’t get the Vase/cup analogy out of my head obviously.

Of course, considering the amount of vases on his shelf, it made me wonder if he just did serial work… Sort of a workaholic. I mean, the weather looks lovely outside. (when I think about it: that’s me, man). He is enthralled in what he is doing, and yet the day is not over and who knows… there is a leaf on the floor… Maybe he needs to go out to find new inspiration? I mean, is this guy neglecting other things to do only what he loves?

P.S. I can make a sentence now with my Personae/Personality & Soul card, tied with my shadow cards:

It’s nice (and natural) for me to seek control, to want to control things (The Emperor)… and to want it my way…

But I need to remain adaptable, and to remember that things/situations/people come and go (how Buddhist… Death) and that I can always change what doesn’t work… I just need to let go of the control sometimes…

And take life as it comes… Adapt… Deal with changes and surprise without freaking out (The Fool). Sometimes, I may just need to follow the flow and go to where my heart leads, however much Señor Emperor wants to build his boundaries, his order, his control control control…

This said, control is good sometimes! (for me)

That’s my take, feel free to disagree.

Images of the cards are from the Victorian Romantic Tarot, courtesy of Magic Realist Press